Intuition
Written by: Jamie Popp
I Think You’re Being Dramatic
As women, we are often raised to question our convictions. Our actions, especially as a result of emotion, are scrutinized. We are consistently put in a position of having to defend our decisions. We’ve been raised to seek second opinions, to never trust our first reaction. We’re the bad guys if we respond “dramatically” to someone’s advances. “He’s just playing with you, calm down!”. We’re asked if its’ “that time of the month”, if we have emotions that are louder than "normal". When we voice that we don’t like a situation, because of a feeling we get, we are called “crazy”. We are told we’re wrong or that we’re overreacting. Whatever the intent is with this advice, what is born from it is not an increase in awareness of personal safety. No, the only thing that comes from this, is the habit of doubting our intuition. This doesn’t help us.
Built In Protection
I travel… a lot. I prefer to travel alone and without an itinerary. It feeds my soul in ways I can’t explain. That said, I can’t tell you how many times my intuition has saved me.
For example, I was driving from North Carolina to Ohio for an event. I was in West Virginia when I pulled off at a rest stop to determine my next move, to find an Airbnb or push through to Columbus. I exited, backed into a parking spot to watch the sun set over the beautiful Appalachian Mountains. I notice a man walking down the sidewalk in front of me and every hair on my body stood up. My gut turned and I felt as if I needed to vomit. Something was not right.
My inner monologue scolded me for judging this man simply because he looked a little unkept, "You judgmental bitch”. I made eye contact with him and neither of us smiled. I watched him until he left my line of sight. I couldn’t shake this feeling, “why wasn’t he looking at the view?”
I tried to shake the feeling and spent time editing photos of my trip for the sponsor, instead of napping. However, I couldn’t help but to continue to feel uneasy. I decided to keep my head up by propping my hands over the top of the steering wheel so I could still have my peripheral vision as I worked. Moments later, the man approached my vehicle from the rear drivers side. He was reaching for the door handle and had a knife in his hand.
Luckily, I kept my car running and I was able to take off before he could open the door. My adrenaline was soaring. I headed for the exit, however realizing that I wasn’t the only person at the rest stop, I pulled into an adjoining parking lot to warn other people in their parked cars what had happened. I found another woman traveling alone and told her about the incident. As we were talking, he appeared again. His eyes set on mine. I left and called the police.
We have an alarm system installed within us from the time we are born and it is tuned in to our lifestyle. Every time we listen to it, it is upgraded. It becomes stronger, more accurate. However, every time we ignore it, every time we are encouraged to doubt it, it’s like hitting snooze on that alarm. Eventually, our alarm system stops updating. Eventually, it is not as loud anymore, our doubt causes us to hesitate and that is exactly when smart women get killed.
TRUST Y0UR INTUITION
Think back on times in your life when you felt your warning system activate. Did you listen to it? Did you change the situation? Did you ignore it? I hope if you ignored it, it all worked out for you. If it didn’t, I hope you understand it wasn’t your fault when people question your reaction later.
Smart girls who get hurt, often get asked after, “why did you stay?”, or “why were you there?” I can’t tell you how many times when telling my story of the man at the rest stop I’ve heard, “What were you doing at a rest stop anyway?” Oh, sorry. Perhaps you could give me a list of all the places we (solo females) are allowed to go (insert eye roll)?
What’s worse is when these questions have to be asked ABOUT her; “What was she doing with them in the first place?” It’s a double edged sword. We either respond to the way we feel and get called dramatic, or we don’t listen to our warning systems and later get made to feel like it was our fault for being somewhere we shouldn't have been.
I hope you choose to be dramatic. I hope you bail from a person or a place when your alarm sounds despite perceived judgement every time. No matter how “crazy” we’re told we might be acting, trust yourself. Personally, I’m okay being called dramatic. I don’t feel bad if I hurt someone’s feelings by listening to my warning system, and I welcome your suspicion and judgement of my state of mind when I react according to the way I FEEL. At least I’ll be alive for it.
There’s something to be said about not putting yourself into a potentially precarious situation in the first place. I don’t think you should expect safety if you go into a dark alley at night. Traveling with a group or using a well-lit and crowded parking lot when needing to take a break, is the best course of action. But, if and when those options aren’t available, we need to be able to trust our warning systems. We need to have trained ourselves on how to travel alone and how to engage in a group when you don’t know everyone. Women need to know how to evaluate a situation before it becomes bad and we must prepare ourselves to respond quickly when our internal warning systems sound.
It all starts with learning to trust yourself. It begins with feeling capable and to have developed basic skills enabling you to protect yourself. In my years of traveling and learning from people much smarter than I am, here are a couple of strategies I’ve learned;
1. Share your location and itinerary with the people closest to you. Tell them where you plan to go, how you plan to get there and when you plan to arrive. If anything changes, update them. Check in at predetermined times and let them know of your situation.
2. Stay off of your phone. While you’re sitting in your car, or walking to and from a building - you need to have your eyes up and scanning around you. If you’re too busy looking for the right filter for your selfie, you’ll likely not notice the immediate threat closing in on you. Keep your head on a swivel.
3. Just because your friend from work tells you that her friend is a nice guy, doesn’t mean he is. Reserve your trust for those who have earned it from you. Fake familiarity is dangerous. Meet people, engage with them and be open to possibilities, but keep your guard up.
4. Stay sober. A drink or two with the occasion is fine, obviously, but know your own limits. Our built in security system doesn’t work well with the addition of drugs and alcohol. Time and place matter more than anything when we decide to allow ourselves to become impaired.
5. Be physically capable. Do not allow yourself to become an easy target. Be able to run, jump and get yourself away from a potential threat. I’m not saying you need to be in MMA or Olympic level physical shape, but you do need to know that you’re capable of giving yourself a fighting chance. Women’s self-defense courses exist. Take one. If you decide to carry personal protection, you need to know how to use it. More importantly, you must train how to use it. Mace seems to be a popular gift to give women and it is a good idea, but you need to understand that if you decide to spray someone with it, you WILL most likely spray yourself as well. Do you know what it feels like? Can you maintain your composure until you reach a safe place? If you decide to carry a knife, have you ever trained with it? How fast are you at pulling it out and effectively use it without cutting yourself? Hand to hand combat is NOT the way to go. I don’t care how strong you think you are, avoid it if you can. If you pull a knife and don’t know how to use it, it’s likely going to be taken from you. The same can be said for a gun. Tossing a .22 in your purse and thinking you’re safe is one of the biggest mistakes you can make. How often do you go to the range and train? How many times have you practiced pulling it out from concealed carry? How many times have your practiced that in an uncontrolled environment? If you decide to pull your weapon, you must have the training to go with it.
This may be controversial, but as a woman the threat to our safety is high regardless of the environment. We can stand on our soap box and preach equality all we want, but the bottom line is we are always going to be at a physical disadvantage. Simply being strong will not be enough to prevent threats to our safety. We must use our heads and avoid the danger before it impacts us. We need to become well rounded and this starts by listening to our instincts, trusting them and having the ability and knowledge to respond appropriately.
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